A New Perspective

It's amazing how perspectives change.

For example, I've always respected our troops. It takes courage, I know that. But songs like American Soldier by Toby Keith show that I have a whole new perspective. The man I love will be deployed some day. He's no soldier, but he's still a military man. When I first heard the song after he left (I've known the song for a few years), it rang closer to home than ever. And Joshua hasn't even been in that long. My perspective's changed.

Another perspective that's changed for me is separation. When we first started dating, he had already picked a college, and knew where he was going to be in a year (start local and then transfer to a bigger campus with his actual major). Well, it happened a lot sooner, like in his second semester. I was 17, young and immature. Hell, I'm still young and immature in things. But I digress. I clung to him after only a week of him being gone. A week!

I find myself now saying tech school is only two months long. I survived BMT, where I had no real communication with him. I wrote him daily, but he had no time to write me until towards the end. I only got three calls from him. One was early on when he was near his breaking point. The other two were in week 7 (I'm not including the week 4 call because that one I handed over to his dad to talk to him). But other than that, I didn't know if he was okay, how he was doing. No news is good news. I had to tell myself, and a lot of mothers, that. Because it was true. If they're not calling home, there was no reason to. They didn't get hurt, or recycled.

I also find myself, after processing his orders, thinking, "I'll see Joshua in six months after he leaves, which is only four months longer than tech school." Because it's true. It's only four months longer. If I break up his orders like this, it's much more endurable than thinking "One more year I don't get to be with him." That's not healthy for me.

It's going to be hard, with him being 16 hours ahead of me, but there are windows where we'll both be up and able to talk. There's Facebook, and Skype. On top of that, there's our phones (which we just upgraded to smartphones [still really old though]). Our communication will be strained, but if we try hard, we can still talk daily, or even every other day. A lot better than BMT, but not as good as tech school, where he's only two hours ahead of me.

So I have a new perspective on things like separation and respect for our troops.

Joshua and I have both realized how much we took for granted when he was a civilian. We could fall asleep next to each other, and hold hands. Now we wake up wishing the other was next to us; when it's cold we miss each other because we can't cuddle. He sees women in civilian clothes and misses me. I miss being able to sit next to him and be comforted when I'm in pain (at this point, quite frequently due to my darn tooth).

I find myself easily jealous of couples. Even the few I know who are separated right now. One couple because they're still in the same State. Same time zone, it makes things a lot easier. It's petty, but I'm jealous. The separation has given us a new perspective. I get annoyed at my sister and her fiance, too. He went to help his aunt for a night, and she was SO sad. It's a night! One night!

But I also know they haven't had to experience the separation Joshua and I have had to face, and are going to continue to face. It's making our relationship stronger, not weaker. I have found a new appreciation for his presence, and I think a lot of couples need that. To face those cold nights alone, or to not talk to their significant other for about a week. It definitely enlightens you.