How Do We Do It?

I've been asked this a few times, and I know every milso (military significant other) has.

"How do you do it?" How do you not? What we do as girlfriends, fiancées, boyfriends, husbands and wives to military members is no different from what you do with your husband who works in a cubicle. He gets sent down to L.A. for a week of training; our husbands go to month-long trainings. They have business meetings you can't go to, our husbands have briefings we can't go to.

Though, at the end of the day, nothing bad happens when your husband mentions something over the phone. Our husbands and wives have to play it safe. That is one of the worst things for me, I'm a nosy person and there are things I just can't hear unless face-to-face. I get it, it just sucks.

In a private group for Air Force wives, a lot of new wives have recently joined since their husbands shipped out to BMT, or are about to. They're emotional and questioning. I remember those days well. I was confused, lonely and sad. It is weird to see me not be a newbie anymore, but I'm definitely not a pro. But us older wives can give tips for BMT, because we were there.

One wife said this, which triggered this post:
"... I realized that basic [BMT] wasn't just for him, it's our basic too learning how to adapt to life while they are gone and becoming strong hearted."

I haven't considered it such, but it is true. We have no choice but be strong for our loved one who enlists. BMT is a great experience to learn distance, to be a couple without being together. It strengthens the relationships that are meant to be, and sadly severs the ones that aren't. BMT, and tech school, is a test to our relationships.

So as they're learning to take apart an assault rifle and shoot said rifle, we're learning to stand on our own and handle life without our rock there. We're learning to be the rock, the constant that our loved ones need. We're getting a glimpse into what deployment will be like. I say glimpse because at the end of the day, in BMT they are safe. They get yelled at and are stressed out all the time, but they are not deployed. But we still don't know when we'll talk to our loved one. We still are facing life alone while they're working. We're learning how to cope with problems without our loved one there.

So to bring it back around, how do we do it? Well, we have that experience from BMT. We know what it's like to stare at our phones right after they leave, hoping for a text, but knowing we won't get one. We know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night due to a phone call, hoping it's them. We've faced it alone before. We know what it's like to have no contact: no letters, no phone calls, texts, or Skype calls.

So when we find out their orders are a TDY to Guam, or an unaccompanied tour to South Korea, we know we can handle it. We have Skype for seeing them and dates. We can text. We can play phone tag, too, but that's no fun! We can send pictures, write letters if we wish. We can send each other packages with gifts.

BMT is why I can do what I do. Why I don't cry myself to sleep. Why I can smile and say five more months. It's really easy in comparison.