I've told Joshua that I would like letters from him in BMT. One: things come up, and I'm positive he'll call his mom for the weekly call and hope I'm there. What if I can't get there, though? Money is tight, my mom's car is about to die, and Joshua's family likes to travel out of town. I would like to think for those eight and a half weeks, the once a week calls would all be met, we all be there to talk to him... But I always expect the worst, that way if it does happen, I'm not crushed. That's how I've always been, and it's not going to change for BMT.
Two: letters will give me something to look forward to once or twice a week (not sure how frequently to and fro). If I get real upset, I'll think "Well in a couple of days I'll have a letter to respond to, to talk to him." It gives me that sense of somewhat regular conversation we have now. It may not be as frequent as now, but it'll be more frequent than the once a week call. And I have a feeling when I'm really sad, I'll just write a sub-letter to him, to attach to the next letter. Writing letters is like this blog, a coping mechanism.
Since this blog looks really short and pathetic, I think I'll add a random topic that is in the news, and my opinion on it. So the topic is Todd Akin and "legitimate rape." He says pregnancy during rape is impossible because the female body realizes that it's being raped and "shuts down." Oh, how I wish it were that way! Really, I do. I wouldn't wish it on any woman to get pregnant from her attacker, but the chances are the same as a one-night fling. The egg is there no matter what, the body can't kill it if raped. Whether or not I believe in abortion, this just doesn't sound right to me. Being a woman, I know my body can't just stop an egg from being fertilized. If anything, you may miscarry from the fear of being a new mom, remembering your attacker every time you go to the doctor, seeing your attacker in your child, and worrying your child will become like your attacker. All of those stresses take a toll, and you have a chance of losing the baby. That's the only way your body "shuts down" a pregnancy. So I don't understand how Akin got to this hypothesis.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Friday, August 17, 2012
Am I Ready?
Last night, Joshua asked me two questions his mother, Sheri, asked him. The way he said it "Here's food for thought." These questions are very valid questions, and after thinking about it, I decided to blog about them since they are very relevant to the blog.
Q1: Am I ready to be married?
How do you answer this without knowing from experience? I'm only 20, almost 21, I've never been through a marriage before. People my age are partying, having fun, stressing over midterms and finals... I've never been that type of person. In high school, only one year was I off the path of "do homework, don't ditch, don't hang out with people." But that was due to stress, not willingness.
I don't think I'm not ready. I don't feel nervous or sad at the thought of marrying Joshua. But I also am not excited, yet. Nothing really says "we're getting married around June." I don't have a ring yet. I've looked at like, two dresses in Fulton Mall (a very cheap mall that half is closed down), and my aunt has decided to sew the bridesmaids dresses. But I don't feel like a fiancee yet. I think once the official proposal is done, and we start saying "We're getting married," to everyone, not just a couple of people, I'll feel that giddiness.
But how do I say I'm ready when I've never been married? Joshua and I have spent a lot of time together in the last two years, especially the last year, after he came back from his old college. We can spend a month together without separation, not having fights. If we do fight, we are so very quiet about it. We both sit there stewing until I decide to talk and try to get out of the fight (it always works). On top of this, I've never suffered a financial issue with Joshua. I don't know how the stress of "how will we pay bills" will affect Joshua and myself. But that's the only thing I can imagine would really stress us out. We've chatted about how we'll do chores, how we'll budget, etc.
Q2: What if I Can't Handle Military Life?
Again, how do I answer this without experience? I would like to think I could step up and be a military wife, enduring the stresses of deployment, and the fact I most likely won't know half the things Joshua is doing at work. If I was really unable to handle deployment, I think I would vacation to home and spend time with friends and family to distract from the anxieties. If I had kids, I don't know if it wasn't summer. I think I would try to hide my worries from the kids and try to get out of the shell and spend time with other military spouses.
The only things I can see myself stressing over, to the point I may not want to be a military wife: being away from the only city I've ever lived in, and deployment. But the question stands: what if I can't handle it? I always told Joshua I would follow him, because he would be my husband, and that's where his work would take him (like if he worked out of town since Fresno has 0 jobs). It just so happens, with his upcoming job, moving is part of the package. Separation for 4, 6, 8 or 12 months is a part of the job. I just have to suck it up and deal with it. After the first move and the first deployment, I think I'll be able to cope, knowing what to expect. But what if I can't? Then I deal with it. I'm not going to leave where my husband is just because I'm stressed. I'll take up therapy if it gets really bad. If I can't handle deployments, like I said before, I would vacation.
But I don't know yet, because I haven't been a military wife yet. That's what this blog is for: my experiences from becoming a girlfriend to a guy, to becoming a wife to an airman. My readers will see what exactly I go through. Joshua will see what I go through after BMT and he has access to internet again. This is one way I cope: I express myself via written word. I've already suffered some anxieties about BMT and deployment. But I haven't since talking about them with Joshua, and I'm glad. This is just a life I have to take day-to-day, and I'm not used to that.
Q1: Am I ready to be married?
How do you answer this without knowing from experience? I'm only 20, almost 21, I've never been through a marriage before. People my age are partying, having fun, stressing over midterms and finals... I've never been that type of person. In high school, only one year was I off the path of "do homework, don't ditch, don't hang out with people." But that was due to stress, not willingness.
I don't think I'm not ready. I don't feel nervous or sad at the thought of marrying Joshua. But I also am not excited, yet. Nothing really says "we're getting married around June." I don't have a ring yet. I've looked at like, two dresses in Fulton Mall (a very cheap mall that half is closed down), and my aunt has decided to sew the bridesmaids dresses. But I don't feel like a fiancee yet. I think once the official proposal is done, and we start saying "We're getting married," to everyone, not just a couple of people, I'll feel that giddiness.
But how do I say I'm ready when I've never been married? Joshua and I have spent a lot of time together in the last two years, especially the last year, after he came back from his old college. We can spend a month together without separation, not having fights. If we do fight, we are so very quiet about it. We both sit there stewing until I decide to talk and try to get out of the fight (it always works). On top of this, I've never suffered a financial issue with Joshua. I don't know how the stress of "how will we pay bills" will affect Joshua and myself. But that's the only thing I can imagine would really stress us out. We've chatted about how we'll do chores, how we'll budget, etc.
Q2: What if I Can't Handle Military Life?
Again, how do I answer this without experience? I would like to think I could step up and be a military wife, enduring the stresses of deployment, and the fact I most likely won't know half the things Joshua is doing at work. If I was really unable to handle deployment, I think I would vacation to home and spend time with friends and family to distract from the anxieties. If I had kids, I don't know if it wasn't summer. I think I would try to hide my worries from the kids and try to get out of the shell and spend time with other military spouses.
The only things I can see myself stressing over, to the point I may not want to be a military wife: being away from the only city I've ever lived in, and deployment. But the question stands: what if I can't handle it? I always told Joshua I would follow him, because he would be my husband, and that's where his work would take him (like if he worked out of town since Fresno has 0 jobs). It just so happens, with his upcoming job, moving is part of the package. Separation for 4, 6, 8 or 12 months is a part of the job. I just have to suck it up and deal with it. After the first move and the first deployment, I think I'll be able to cope, knowing what to expect. But what if I can't? Then I deal with it. I'm not going to leave where my husband is just because I'm stressed. I'll take up therapy if it gets really bad. If I can't handle deployments, like I said before, I would vacation.
But I don't know yet, because I haven't been a military wife yet. That's what this blog is for: my experiences from becoming a girlfriend to a guy, to becoming a wife to an airman. My readers will see what exactly I go through. Joshua will see what I go through after BMT and he has access to internet again. This is one way I cope: I express myself via written word. I've already suffered some anxieties about BMT and deployment. But I haven't since talking about them with Joshua, and I'm glad. This is just a life I have to take day-to-day, and I'm not used to that.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Changes
For those who have been on my blog since I first posted it (that's what, a week and a half ago?), you'll notice the layout changes. For starters, ads are finally on the blog! Secondly, layout's different altogether. I wanted something that was me, so I opted for a personal touch. I got one of my favorite pictures of Joshua and me, edited it a little, and got a shell background. We love the beach. And since our wedding will be at Pismo, seemed to suit the blog even more.
Speaking of the wedding, my mom is so stubborn. She wants everyone in the bridal party dressed up. It's a beach wedding, having khakis and a colored button up shirt would be plenty fine for the groomsmen. So long as the colors matched the bridesmaid dresses. I'm really hoping for a marine-colored bridal party. That blue is gorgeous, in my opinion. If all goes well, it should, since my aunt offered to make my sisters' bridesmaid dresses. She's an awesome seamstress, so I think that'll be her wedding gift to me (it'll be a lot cheaper to buy the fabric rather than the dresses themselves).
Now for other matters. Joshua goes back to San Jose next Monday, just so an eye doctor can say "You see fine with glasses." We could have taken him to an eye doctor, but he's not insured, so at least this is a free eye exam. After that, he goes up to San Jose twice more. One for the EDPT test (ha, remembered!), and then the last time, I believe, will be for getting sworn into the Air Force.
Joshua needs to open a bank account, as well, since his checks will be directly deposited. His recruiter suggested USAA for a bank. The benefits of having a checking account with USAA looks really good compared to other places. Like they waive ATM fees up to either 15 times or $15, I don't recall. When he opens an account there, it'll be a joint bank account for him and me, and I'll put my loan checks in there as well.
Last week, him and I just sat there talking about budgeting: which company for what, and what package we should get. It was fun, and I don't know why. I'm not sure when, but once he starts getting paid, we'll most likely get our own phone plan, which opens two slots on his parents' plan (meaning his grandfather and brother will be put on the plan). Then we determined Xfinity for internet, if it's where we happen to live. Better internet than AT&T's. But we'll have phone and television (I'm not sure if U-Verse is cable or satellite, or just considered digital) with AT&T. Budgeting was fun, for some reason. We even made sure to include about $200 for groceries in the budget. I can't remember how much that left us for rent, but we weren't worried. This all depends if we can get his 45+ credits from his old college before BMT. Otherwise, we'll budget again for the hell of it. We're lame, but we're excited for the idea of being on our own.
Speaking of the wedding, my mom is so stubborn. She wants everyone in the bridal party dressed up. It's a beach wedding, having khakis and a colored button up shirt would be plenty fine for the groomsmen. So long as the colors matched the bridesmaid dresses. I'm really hoping for a marine-colored bridal party. That blue is gorgeous, in my opinion. If all goes well, it should, since my aunt offered to make my sisters' bridesmaid dresses. She's an awesome seamstress, so I think that'll be her wedding gift to me (it'll be a lot cheaper to buy the fabric rather than the dresses themselves).
Now for other matters. Joshua goes back to San Jose next Monday, just so an eye doctor can say "You see fine with glasses." We could have taken him to an eye doctor, but he's not insured, so at least this is a free eye exam. After that, he goes up to San Jose twice more. One for the EDPT test (ha, remembered!), and then the last time, I believe, will be for getting sworn into the Air Force.
Joshua needs to open a bank account, as well, since his checks will be directly deposited. His recruiter suggested USAA for a bank. The benefits of having a checking account with USAA looks really good compared to other places. Like they waive ATM fees up to either 15 times or $15, I don't recall. When he opens an account there, it'll be a joint bank account for him and me, and I'll put my loan checks in there as well.
Last week, him and I just sat there talking about budgeting: which company for what, and what package we should get. It was fun, and I don't know why. I'm not sure when, but once he starts getting paid, we'll most likely get our own phone plan, which opens two slots on his parents' plan (meaning his grandfather and brother will be put on the plan). Then we determined Xfinity for internet, if it's where we happen to live. Better internet than AT&T's. But we'll have phone and television (I'm not sure if U-Verse is cable or satellite, or just considered digital) with AT&T. Budgeting was fun, for some reason. We even made sure to include about $200 for groceries in the budget. I can't remember how much that left us for rent, but we weren't worried. This all depends if we can get his 45+ credits from his old college before BMT. Otherwise, we'll budget again for the hell of it. We're lame, but we're excited for the idea of being on our own.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Wedding Stuff
So I'm noticing that I post a blog when something pops into my mind. Right now, it's about my and Joshua's wedding and reception. Various things, as well. Like a ring, we don't have one yet, due to funds. I thought I wanted a silver ring, and then I looked up Claddagh (clah-dah) rings, which are rings that originate from 17th century Ireland. There a couple of theories of why created, but the ring is unique in its design. It has hands holding a heart, in front of a crown. The hands symbolize friendship, the heart love, and the crown loyalty. The symbolism is enough to win me over, but then I saw this ring:
It's sterling silver, so I'd have to maintain it, but this ring is gorgeous. The contrast, and the green gem, it just won me over. And the green gem changes to topaz in sunlight. Another reason I would personally like a Claddagh wedding ring is the proper way of wearing it. If engaged, the point of the heart is facing the finger tips on the left hand. If married, the point on the heart faces the wrist on the left hand.
Another wedding thought is the reception. I am so very against alcohol, and I love the fact Joshua supports my distaste for it. As of right now, I want a dry reception, because you get a bunch of people with alcohol behind them and it's a whole crap storm. And my family is huge, and Joshua will have plenty of people, as well. So I don't want drama for my reception. But my mom, who is also against alcohol, says the reception will be boring without it. How the heck would she know? All of the weddings she's gone to had alcohol. As Joshua says (paraphrasing), "If they would rather have alcohol, then it's better if they don't come." A reception is what, two or three hours? Augh. My mom is annoying me to no end on that aspect. Come December, when I turn 21, if my opinion changes, it changes. As of right now, NO ALCOHOL. Dealt with it enough already, I don't want it at my reception for my wedding.
Well that's all for now.
Another wedding thought is the reception. I am so very against alcohol, and I love the fact Joshua supports my distaste for it. As of right now, I want a dry reception, because you get a bunch of people with alcohol behind them and it's a whole crap storm. And my family is huge, and Joshua will have plenty of people, as well. So I don't want drama for my reception. But my mom, who is also against alcohol, says the reception will be boring without it. How the heck would she know? All of the weddings she's gone to had alcohol. As Joshua says (paraphrasing), "If they would rather have alcohol, then it's better if they don't come." A reception is what, two or three hours? Augh. My mom is annoying me to no end on that aspect. Come December, when I turn 21, if my opinion changes, it changes. As of right now, NO ALCOHOL. Dealt with it enough already, I don't want it at my reception for my wedding.
Well that's all for now.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
School Time Rambles
Being that Joshua won't be sent to BMT until December or January, he decided to do one more semester of schooling. With that being said, Monday he starts back up. I go to school full time, but my major is multimedia and design, focusing on web design. And in Fresno, not a whole lot of professors here to teach me, so I study online. I can't remember the last onsite class I had. On top of that, my school is year-round, so my summer break is two weeks long, I have a week long spring break, and a week for winter.
So from spending every day together, it'll be shortened to every weekend. We have texting so it's not bad. That's what is going to kill me when he's at BMT. No texting, or good night calls. I'll have to wait for his first letter to me, or most likely to his house (I doubt he'll remember my address, since I haven't lived here long). Also, I'll have to somehow manage to get to the other side of town for the once-a-week call, because I doubt he'll call me; I see him calling his mom and hope I'm there.
I've been reading posts on Military SOS about "how do I cope with his/her absence?" The advice is simple: stay busy. How do I stay busy though? My homework's a breeze and I can't find work (I've been trying). So I think I'll try to take up other hobbies. Maybe let's plays (Youtube commentary on games), but I need a mic... I could potentially just borrow my boyfriend's mic. I can write, but for how long? I could do NaNoWriMo, I've tried three years now, and God knows I'll have plenty of time around November. I could try crocheting, but that costs money. I could feasibly just spend every waking minute planning my wedding with Joshua, but I hate girly things. So the next couple of months, I have to find something to keep me busy. Otherwise, it'll be the longest three-four months (counting his job training) ever.
So from spending every day together, it'll be shortened to every weekend. We have texting so it's not bad. That's what is going to kill me when he's at BMT. No texting, or good night calls. I'll have to wait for his first letter to me, or most likely to his house (I doubt he'll remember my address, since I haven't lived here long). Also, I'll have to somehow manage to get to the other side of town for the once-a-week call, because I doubt he'll call me; I see him calling his mom and hope I'm there.
I've been reading posts on Military SOS about "how do I cope with his/her absence?" The advice is simple: stay busy. How do I stay busy though? My homework's a breeze and I can't find work (I've been trying). So I think I'll try to take up other hobbies. Maybe let's plays (Youtube commentary on games), but I need a mic... I could potentially just borrow my boyfriend's mic. I can write, but for how long? I could do NaNoWriMo, I've tried three years now, and God knows I'll have plenty of time around November. I could try crocheting, but that costs money. I could feasibly just spend every waking minute planning my wedding with Joshua, but I hate girly things. So the next couple of months, I have to find something to keep me busy. Otherwise, it'll be the longest three-four months (counting his job training) ever.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
MEPS
So Joshua came back from MEPS yesterday afternoon. He passed all of the Air Force's requirements for the physical part. He was proud, and shocked, that he was able to lift 100lbs above his head. I found it amusing, along with his experiences with twelve other men in their underwear (he insisted I add that little bit). His only problem he had was his vision. I don't understand why, but they tested his vision unaided. He's worn glasses for as long as he can remember. He's near-sighted, so of course he would have a crappy result with an unaided vision test. So he's somewhat disqualified. In a week or two, he'll go back to San Jose to have an eye doctor tell us what we all know: he has good vision with glasses. It just means he won't be a pilot. We knew he wasn't going to be one to begin with. He also took the DLAB, a test to qualify him as a crypto linguist (I think that's what it was called). He passed the Air Force's requirement, which is getting a score of at least 100, which enables him to learn any of the languages. So that's a job option for him, even though he's not too interested in it. His recruiter is going to send Joshua back to San Jose to take a test for computers... It starts with an E, I never remember it. (It's EDPT. Can you tell he's proof reading for me?)
As for me, when he left for MEPS, I did the blog post and decided to see if there are any support websites or forums for Air Force spouses/significant others. I found two right away, but one is easier to register at and supports all branches. For anyone reading who has a loved one in the military: Military SOS, "Military Significant Other Support." The people are friendly, and active support when you need advice. I can see myself going there a lot for support from others. The only other person I know personally who is in the same spot as me is my old classmate, Alex, and I don't want to just rely on her. I know what it's like to put on a strong front, while secretly you're just as anxious and scared as the people you're comforting. I hope she can talk to me, too, like I have her a few times. But I won't try pushing her. So I decided to put the link to Military SOS in this post for my friends and family.
On an unrelated note, I think I'll be building a website for another old classmate of mine... Well, her father. It'd be my first website not for school, and I don't think I'll charge him. Or I may do what Joshua told me, and ask her father what he thinks it's worth. And on top of that, he has to decide if he wants my to maintain it, which would be a payment per maintenance. But I don't feel comfortable asking for payments yet, especially from an old classmate's family member. But if I do this, that'll be something for my resume! So I'm kind of excited for that. Well that's it for this post!
As for me, when he left for MEPS, I did the blog post and decided to see if there are any support websites or forums for Air Force spouses/significant others. I found two right away, but one is easier to register at and supports all branches. For anyone reading who has a loved one in the military: Military SOS, "Military Significant Other Support." The people are friendly, and active support when you need advice. I can see myself going there a lot for support from others. The only other person I know personally who is in the same spot as me is my old classmate, Alex, and I don't want to just rely on her. I know what it's like to put on a strong front, while secretly you're just as anxious and scared as the people you're comforting. I hope she can talk to me, too, like I have her a few times. But I won't try pushing her. So I decided to put the link to Military SOS in this post for my friends and family.
On an unrelated note, I think I'll be building a website for another old classmate of mine... Well, her father. It'd be my first website not for school, and I don't think I'll charge him. Or I may do what Joshua told me, and ask her father what he thinks it's worth. And on top of that, he has to decide if he wants my to maintain it, which would be a payment per maintenance. But I don't feel comfortable asking for payments yet, especially from an old classmate's family member. But if I do this, that'll be something for my resume! So I'm kind of excited for that. Well that's it for this post!
Saturday, August 4, 2012
My First Post
I decided to post the first post on this blog when he went to MEPS, which I'm not too sure what it stands for, but it's to make sure my boyfriend physically and mentally able to join the Air Force, if I recall correctly. I got impatient so I posted early, but he leaves for MEPS tomorrow morning.
I'll start by introducing myself. I am Brandi, and I am 20 years old. I turn 21 on December 27th. I was born and raised in Fresno, CA, and live with my mother, two sisters, aunt and uncle. My boyfriend, who is joining the Air Force, is Joshua. He is also 20, he turns 21 before me (I won't say his birthday because I don't know if he wants me to post it).
Joshua decided to join the Air Force because Fresno has a horrible lack of jobs. We will be married sometime after he finishes his training for what he'll do in the Air Force. We were planning to get married before he went to BMT (Basic Military Training), but the recruiter told us if he got married before, he could be disqualified. Still don't have a positive answer as to why, but we think it's due to not wanting Joshua distracted at BMT.
My feelings for him joining, since I will follow him where he goes, are these: I am anxious, proud, eager, and sad. I am anxious because of the fear of him going into combat and me losing him. I am also anxious, and I know this is an irrational fear, of him changing into a completely different person in BMT. I know he'll be more mature, but I still worry of more drastic changes. I am proud because he's going into military, and that he got a perfect score on the ASVAB (he was beaming the entire day of the test). I'm eager because it means him and I are starting a life together soon. We'll be out of our homes, being independent, and travelling. I want to visit places, but I'm also sad for leaving our families. My mom keeps saying "I'm going to miss my grandbabies growing up." I really want to try to have the grandparents, and great-grandparents, not miss out too much. Skype, phone calls, pictures, and visits to and from are what I want to do. And when he's deployed, I may very well move back to Fresno. Or if I cannot go with him to where he's stationed, since some of them are in combat zones.
This blog will be mostly about my experiences of becoming a girlfriend to a military wife. I may post various other things, like my day, or something bugging me or I am really excited for. But it will be about my experiences as Brandi (thus the url).
I'm going to try out Google's AdSense. The ads shouldn't be too bad. If I get a lot of complaints, I'll remove them.
But this is my first post!
I'll start by introducing myself. I am Brandi, and I am 20 years old. I turn 21 on December 27th. I was born and raised in Fresno, CA, and live with my mother, two sisters, aunt and uncle. My boyfriend, who is joining the Air Force, is Joshua. He is also 20, he turns 21 before me (I won't say his birthday because I don't know if he wants me to post it).
Joshua decided to join the Air Force because Fresno has a horrible lack of jobs. We will be married sometime after he finishes his training for what he'll do in the Air Force. We were planning to get married before he went to BMT (Basic Military Training), but the recruiter told us if he got married before, he could be disqualified. Still don't have a positive answer as to why, but we think it's due to not wanting Joshua distracted at BMT.
My feelings for him joining, since I will follow him where he goes, are these: I am anxious, proud, eager, and sad. I am anxious because of the fear of him going into combat and me losing him. I am also anxious, and I know this is an irrational fear, of him changing into a completely different person in BMT. I know he'll be more mature, but I still worry of more drastic changes. I am proud because he's going into military, and that he got a perfect score on the ASVAB (he was beaming the entire day of the test). I'm eager because it means him and I are starting a life together soon. We'll be out of our homes, being independent, and travelling. I want to visit places, but I'm also sad for leaving our families. My mom keeps saying "I'm going to miss my grandbabies growing up." I really want to try to have the grandparents, and great-grandparents, not miss out too much. Skype, phone calls, pictures, and visits to and from are what I want to do. And when he's deployed, I may very well move back to Fresno. Or if I cannot go with him to where he's stationed, since some of them are in combat zones.
This blog will be mostly about my experiences of becoming a girlfriend to a military wife. I may post various other things, like my day, or something bugging me or I am really excited for. But it will be about my experiences as Brandi (thus the url).
I'm going to try out Google's AdSense. The ads shouldn't be too bad. If I get a lot of complaints, I'll remove them.
But this is my first post!
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