Let's Talk About Sam Pepper

If you haven't heard of Sam Pepper, lucky you! He is a vile man who thinks sexually harassing women is funny, and so does his two million subscribers on YouTube.

Recently on a social media site, Tumblr, Sam got a lot publicity, and not good publicity either. He posted a video titled something along the lines of "Fake hand ass pinching." He tucked in his sleeve into his hoodie's pocket, enabling himself to pinch women's bottoms and laugh about it. In the video, which has since been taken down, the women are so uncomfortable. Tumblr blew it up and it was taken down pretty fast.

Within a couple of days, video was gone but a new one replaced it "Fake hand ass pinching part 2 of 3." This time it wasn't him, but a woman pinching men's bottoms. One: this is still sexual harassment, just because a woman is doing it doesn't make it any less wrong. Two: Why didn't the first video have part 1 of 3. I feel this is his way to cover it up. But needless to say, that video was taken down so fast, faster than the first.

And immediately following that video, another one went up. It was him calling this all a social experiment. To shed light on sexual harassment on both men and women.

I call bullshit. Yes, we need awareness on this, so many people don't speak up when sexually harassed or assaulted. But the fact that Sam Pepper did this so-called social experiment is highly unlikely, in my opinion. For starters, his prank videos never come in parts, at all. The fact he did a part two just screams covering his ass.

His social experiment can compare to me going "I love puppies, so I'm going to kick puppies, record it, and call it a social experiment to bring awareness to animal abuse."

Secondly, if you go through his uploads on his channel, you'll see a trend of vulgar pranks. But three catch my eye.

First one was uploaded a while ago titled "How to get a girlfriend EASY." He handcuffs himself to strangers and demands a kiss if they want to be free. REALLY?

Second one is "Lasso pickup." Where he lassos women. We're cattle now?

And the third one is "Easiest way to get numbers." This is where he gets creepy. He goes up to strangers and acts like he knows them to get numbers. "Oh hi, it's been forever! I lost your number, can you give it to me?" And the women go along with it because it's rude to go "Oh nope, totally forgot you dude, sorry!" I know I've done it. I'm actually more likely to forget your name, but that's where I just won't say your name until I hear someone else say it, but I digress. I've done it, I'm pretty sure we've all done it.

So why am I writing about this on my blog? Well, for one he needs to be outted. But mostly it's because this is a serious issue with our society. So many comments on his first two videos were "Grow up it's a joke!" and variations of that.

This are just some comments I found on the part 3 video, Laci Green's video on Sam Pepper, a video Dottie posted on her encounter with Sam Pepper, and a rape allegation posted on YouTube. I've removed pictures and names to respect their privacy.

No. We cannot stop. We need him to be punished because sexual harassment and assault are illegal.

On Laci Green's video, where she speaks about Sam Pepper and than women have been going to her talking to her about their experiences.

Violating basic human rights apparently is harmless fun.

Apparently the woman telling her rape story is lying and is crying out for attention. 

On Dottie's video.

These are just some of the comments. And yes, the rape allegation could be fake. But why not believe her until it's been proven otherwise? Statistically speaking, 2% of rape allegations are fake. That's 2 out of 100. It's unlikely that it's a lie, but also there is that slim chance. Then with Dottie wanting attention... She has 73k subscribers, I really doubt she wants attention.

But from Sam Pepper's YouTube videos, from licking strangers to lassoing and ass grabbing, it's quite clear he has no issue violating human rights for 'prank videos,' as well as forcing himself onto women. You be the judge, but I personally am glad he has been dropped from his YouTube network (so his ad revenue is less), The Fine Bros who do YouTubers React won't have him on the show, and that he has been barred from VidCon, a YouTube convention.

Things need to change. Two million people have no problem with his twisted sense of humor, and find it okay. That's double the population of San Diego, California or San Jose, California. That is a LOT of people to find it okay. But I know there's more people that find it okay. That think women owe them that right to touch our bodies. To kiss them. To have sex with them.

How Do We Do It?

I've been asked this a few times, and I know every milso (military significant other) has.

"How do you do it?" How do you not? What we do as girlfriends, fiancées, boyfriends, husbands and wives to military members is no different from what you do with your husband who works in a cubicle. He gets sent down to L.A. for a week of training; our husbands go to month-long trainings. They have business meetings you can't go to, our husbands have briefings we can't go to.

Though, at the end of the day, nothing bad happens when your husband mentions something over the phone. Our husbands and wives have to play it safe. That is one of the worst things for me, I'm a nosy person and there are things I just can't hear unless face-to-face. I get it, it just sucks.

In a private group for Air Force wives, a lot of new wives have recently joined since their husbands shipped out to BMT, or are about to. They're emotional and questioning. I remember those days well. I was confused, lonely and sad. It is weird to see me not be a newbie anymore, but I'm definitely not a pro. But us older wives can give tips for BMT, because we were there.

One wife said this, which triggered this post:
"... I realized that basic [BMT] wasn't just for him, it's our basic too learning how to adapt to life while they are gone and becoming strong hearted."

I haven't considered it such, but it is true. We have no choice but be strong for our loved one who enlists. BMT is a great experience to learn distance, to be a couple without being together. It strengthens the relationships that are meant to be, and sadly severs the ones that aren't. BMT, and tech school, is a test to our relationships.

So as they're learning to take apart an assault rifle and shoot said rifle, we're learning to stand on our own and handle life without our rock there. We're learning to be the rock, the constant that our loved ones need. We're getting a glimpse into what deployment will be like. I say glimpse because at the end of the day, in BMT they are safe. They get yelled at and are stressed out all the time, but they are not deployed. But we still don't know when we'll talk to our loved one. We still are facing life alone while they're working. We're learning how to cope with problems without our loved one there.

So to bring it back around, how do we do it? Well, we have that experience from BMT. We know what it's like to stare at our phones right after they leave, hoping for a text, but knowing we won't get one. We know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night due to a phone call, hoping it's them. We've faced it alone before. We know what it's like to have no contact: no letters, no phone calls, texts, or Skype calls.

So when we find out their orders are a TDY to Guam, or an unaccompanied tour to South Korea, we know we can handle it. We have Skype for seeing them and dates. We can text. We can play phone tag, too, but that's no fun! We can send pictures, write letters if we wish. We can send each other packages with gifts.

BMT is why I can do what I do. Why I don't cry myself to sleep. Why I can smile and say five more months. It's really easy in comparison.

Anniversary of Joshua Shipping Out/Wedding

A year ago today, my now-husband, Joshua, shipped out to BMT. We watched him swear in, and get into the bus that would to take him to the air port, to his new life. That goodbye was the hardest. His parents cried, I cried... I can't quite remember if Joshua cried. I know he was nauseous; afterwards we realized it was due to the fear of saying goodbye.

Ten months ago, we watched Joshua become an Airman and get his first coin. The pride I felt that day made those two months of loneliness, fear, anxiety and sadness nothing. It was all worth it. On top of that, he looks damn good in ABUs and his Blues. (I prefer ABUs because I don't see them as much).

Nine months ago, the earth-stopping (at the time) news: his first duty station was South Korea, unaccompanied. I was with my mom eating at Popeye's. Just as I finished, I got a phone call from Joshua, which was random (usually it was later in the day, when he was getting ready for bed). My heart sank. We were waiting for his orders for his first base, after Tech School.

I answered the phone and he started the call off with: "So, I've got bad news."

I just knew it. I didn't want South Korea; I knew I couldn't go. "You got your orders?"

"Yeah," he replied. I knew he didn't want to tell me.

"South Korea?"

"Yep."

"And it's unaccompanied, right?"

"Yes." 

In the matter of a day, I, in essence, went through DABDA [Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Anger]. It's the five stages of grief. I didn't lose a loved one, but I was certainly grieving. I didn't cry, but God every time someone asked, I got mad. Let me just grieve a day before bombarding me with questions! Days like that make me wish I had a room of my own.

Six months ago, I was dreading the goodbye. The fact Joshua was going overseas, to South Korea nonetheless, and it was for a year. But life moves on after that goodbye. After the tears are shed, you move forward. You get busy. Before you know it, six months is over, and leave can be taken.

Thank God for mids [night shift] and that Joshua was given mids. It made our talking regularly possible. During day shift, it's phone tag all day long.

So fast-forward to the last three weeks. Joshua almost didn't make it home for our wedding! He called his mom at midnight our time and needed a ticket. I love my in-laws, because they bought him a ticket. I woke up to two texts: one from Sheri and one from Joshua. Both saying similarly.

I drove up to San Francisco to get him. Everyone kept asking if I was up for the long drive, to a place I'm not familiar with. I wanted the privacy, some time with Joshua before he had to share his time with everyone (by the way, that's very difficult!). I did it just fine. I had my phone's GPS, printed out instructions, and I can read signs telling me "152 West, this way."

Nothing prepared me for San Francisco International though. My God, so many overpasses! I could take a wrong turn and be farther away. Or perhaps wind back up on the freeway. But I managed. Joshua found me, and we were together once more. He wanted to surprise me and go somewhere for the night. I suspected Monterey, but he kept denying. Till we were in Monterey.

The week passed in a blur and our wedding was happening! Here are some of my faves!

I was sinking in the sand -- it didn't help with my lack of height.

"I lied at prom," he said.

The train is what sold me on this dress.

My sister, Danielle, spent hours on my hair for the knot lol

Unity sand!

I couldn't even hold my bouquet since Joshua wanted to hold hands. I was gonna trip otherwise.

Can you tell which nail is photoshopped? I chipped my paint on the car ride over to the wedding site.

This is my all time fave. (My mom just told me she liked this one too, which makes me happy)

I love this one for his ribbons.

The next day was our reception -- which we were late to. But it all worked out. We had 90 RSVPs, only 40 showed up. I was sad, but who showed up was who mattered, so it worked out well. We got disposable cameras for pictures, but they need to get scanned and edited (a lot of really dark ones). But it was nice.

And next thing I know, it's August 6th, anniversary of Joshua shipping out to BMT, and he's leaving for South Korea. I was "fine." I was anxious for the goodbye. My heart was pounding and my stomach was lurching. I didn't feel sad until Brian walked away to cry, and then Sheri started crying. Empathy sucks. When Joshua hugged me goodbye, I was able to talk, unlike six months ago. I couldn't talk otherwise I would start crying. At least today I could talk!

Sadly, since there's been one missing Malaysian air liner and another being shot down, every time Sheri got a phone call, I had a mini panic attack. I'm not sure why, since I'm his emergency contact, but yeah... I was very anxious.

It's amazing what the military has done to my perspective. I was clingy, so very clingy. After BMT, I appreciated his presence, even a text, a whole lot more. After tech school, I realized I can only take so much talking on a phone before I start suggesting he call his mother. And after the first six months of Joshua's tour, I realize it does get easier.

The good bye is the hard part, waiting's easy.

Whose Life Is It?

First off: long time, no blog! Nothing really to blog about, really. Life is slow, uneventful, and I like that way. It means Joshua is safe, and nothing bad is happening with my wedding planning. So far, everything is lining up, but I'm holding my breath until I see Joshua in front of me. A little over sixty days left!

So the reason I'm blogging today is to state my mind on something that irks me. Today I was running errands with my sister and her two other bridesmaids (yes, my mom has to endure two weddings in one year, I don't know how she's managing!). We were heading to my reception hall so I could put money down, and we were casually chatting about it being a veteran's hall, and all the money goes to donations towards the non-profit that runs the hall (which ultimately go towards military vets).

It came up how it's been five months (I meant to say four, but my brain was fried from the heat) since I've seen Joshua, and one of the girls, A, looked shocked, like she couldn't fathom. She probably can't. I added it'll be six months when he comes home for leave. The other gal, L, said her man wanted to enlist and she shot it down SO fast. My sister and A agreed instantly, laughing, and chatted about how they would straight up refuse it, too.

So again, whose life is it? Whose career is it? With L, I can understand about their little girl who's under two. Children affect the decision. But the military would only make him stronger and more reliable, and a steady income for at least one enlistment. On top of schooling! He wants to become a better man for himself, as well as his family, and you tell him 'no' flat out. No consideration whatsoever?

Then inside the hall, my sister brought up how it annoyed her that you can't show PDA in uniform. REALLY? I told her that I hadn't seen him in two months [BMT grad] and understood. He upholds the United States military reputation in those uniforms. When I see him in uniform, I feel pride; not once did I feel stung and neglected because he was in his ABUs (Airman Battle Uniform) or his Dress Blues.

When we dropped off L and A, I told my sister what I thought about the comments on shooting it down. I stated it's their life, and if they want to enlist, they should. My sister pointed out that my relationship with Joshua from the get-go was founded on separation.

I second that, a few months into our relationship he moved 200mi away for school. But I saw him regularly, so at this point in my life, I don't even consider it anymore.

But then she added that separation wouldn't be good for L and A's relationships.

How would she know? How would any of them know? Do they not trust their men? If they're committed but having trust issues, there's a problem. If you feel like you two can't survive separation, is it meant to be? Especially if the separation is for such a good thing like the military?

But ultimately, do you truly have a good, healthy relationship if you cannot let them go for any length of time to better themselves? To prove something of himself, and to be a part of something bigger than himself?

It's a career choice. If you wanted to change majors and start from square one, but he told YOU no, how pissed would you be? And hurt? Aren't they supposed to support you in your life decisions, and help you along the way? With that being said, turn the tables around.

Aren't you supposed to support them in their life decisions? Hold them when they're down (or talk to them for 30 minutes while they cry in defeat), help them up and push them to do better? You'd want it done to you. A relationship is give and take, support and be supported. Do not shoot them down. You wouldn't want to be shot down so rudely.

It's Been A While

Life is slow, to say the least. Days are long, weeks are fast. It's just the way it was during BMT. Tech school just went fast. I got to talk to Joshua so frequently. Now, we talk about 10-15 minutes in the afternoon (my time) to say goodnight for him. Joshua works the night shift, from 2300-0700 for him. Around 2:30pm for me, I get that call. He doesn't get up until around 11pm my time, when I go to bed at midnight; as of late, he has a lot of errands to run.

But life goes on, at least I get to talk to him once a day. He's not deployed. He's simply stationed overseas for a year. Yes, his schedule sucks when lined up to mine, but what can we do? Gripe?

I'm not going to lie, I do get on my pity pot at times. But I don't stay there long. I have coping mechanisms. I watch videos from this YouTube group called The Creatures. They're just a bunch of guys around my age playing video games -- which I love those games, so I watch. But at school, when I can't just pull up YouTube, is when I face the worst pity.

Valentine's Day week sucked. I didn't care my valentine wasn't there. It's just a day, a very commercialized day. But it is a constant reminder at how long I will go without my valentine. Every kiss I saw, every couple that hugged, cuddled, etc. It just pulled me into loneliness and sadness. They're strangers, I know I can't ask everyone in the world to NOT do that in front of me. But family and friends? I wish they would. I say I'm fine, that it's okay, but I say that for everything. I don't confront out loud. I write. I hate the constant reminders. And that's why that week sucked.

But another way I'm coping with Joshua's absence is through Shamy. For those who don't know, that's the 'ship name' of the couple of Sheldon Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler from the sitcom The Big Bang Theory. They are a very quirky, nerdy couple on the show. Sheldon hates contact. And then the week before Valentine's Day, there was a Valentine's Day episode: Sheldon kissed Amy. I was freaking out for a good week. I'm even writing a fanfiction post-Sheldon-Initiated-Kiss. I stalk the 'Shamy' tag on Tumblr. I have a problem, I really do. But I don't care, I love it!

As I write this, I think Grey's Anatomy is coming on this week, too, and I was supposed to have a Grey's Anatomy marathon with Joshua's mom, Sheri. I'm such a bad sim (bad at socializing).

But I am trying to plan the wedding. Trying to include my mom, who argues that certain things MUST be done first before other things. She's very stubborn and old fashioned. I'm just as stubborn, but I go with the flow when it comes to planning. She likes to remind me at how much it sucks that our wedding date isn't 'confirmed.' It won't be confirmed until Joshua is back on U.S. soil, on leave. When will that be? Whenever he can request leave. It may NOT be July 25th. It could be September 3rd, or October 11th. I really hope not, that's really close to getting ready for Lakenheath, and the second part of Joshua's time at Osan AB will be saving up to fly our cats to Lakenheath, preparing to fly, etc.

I got my wedding guest book set, beach themed. Hopefully in the next couple of days, I'll have a deposit down on a reception hall that is helping fund the American Legion Post -- which is why I love it. They do a lot for veterans. And on a financial side, we can get 25% off of the entire cost of the hall if we get Joshua to sign up to American Legion Post (it's like, $25 annually). If he doesn't sign up, it's 15% by default because he's a veteran.

Sheri and Brian are looking into Sea Venture for the hotel to have the wedding at. Next step will be cake and photography, the two most expensive things I think for Joshua and me. But the cake won't be some fancy flavor, just chocolate. Never got around to cake testing when Joshua was home on leave. Which is fine, just now we have a chocolate cake instead of red velvet or something.

So that's been my life for the last, what, month?

Well, That Was a Nice Dream

So, yesterday afternoon I said goodbye to Joshua. Again. I see him again in July for our wedding. Six months of separation. I shed no tears yesterday. Sheri and Brian did, but I did not. I bawled my eyes out a few days after he came home, because I didn't want to say goodbye again. No one ever does.

I think I didn't shed tears because I'm detached from it almost. Like a dream. I dreamt of Joshua being next to me so many times during BMT and Tech School. And then I woke up and he wasn't there, and that saddened me. It felt the same way. I saw him, and woke up without him next to me. Is that a healthy coping mechanism? No. But I did cry, just two weeks prior to the actual goodbye. Perhaps I processed it already?

On a different note, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this in a previous post or not, but Joshua knows where we're heading to after South Korea: England. I am STOKED for England. But at this point, I wouldn't care if his next station was in Texas so long as it meant I was with him. And I can go! To England! Ireland is RIGHT THERE. And London! Paris is a 5 hour drive (I think we have to take a ferry? Or maybe there's a bridge, I don't even know). Oh I am super excited...! This time next year I'll be in England! Or getting ready to go, but nonetheless, 12 more months! WOO!

We'll also be living off base to get the English experience (as well as get extra money for rent and such). The small town we'll be staying at has an old Catholic church that I want to visit. Joshua said they wouldn't like him (he was raised Protestant and isn't too religious now). But it's the historic feel for me. Which is why I want to go to London, Paris and Ireland. And I wouldn't mind going to some 'haunted spots.' I personally believe in ghosts and I would love to experience stuff.

So yeah... I also start school next Monday. I changed majors: psychology. I want to either be a CPS social worker or counselor. I am super excited for that. I need things to do to preoccupy my time besides waiting for a two hour window that Joshua and I will have to talk to each other.

I also need to start my wedding planning. Blah!

Joshua and I got a car! I'm not picky, but he has a dream car: Mitsubishi Eclipse. So we got one! I get it for a year (muhahaha).

So that's been my life the last three weeks: enjoying Joshua's company, bouncing between people's houses, and enjoying our new car together. I also got my license, so yeah, I'm legal!