First Contact

We got our first letter on Wednesday from Joshua. It was fairly short, but it was from him. It was overall a neutral letter; he thanked his younger brother for making me a chocolate Advent Calendar chain. He told me to write as much as I wish, which was nice to know. I was worried I was writing too much and he wasn't able to read. But in his first letter, he was discouraged, and felt like he doesn't have it in him.

We know he has it in him, but he doesn't know it. I hate being 1600 miles away and all I can do is write down words of encouragement, wait about three days, and hope he has a chance to actually read and not skim my words of encouragement. I cannot hug him. I cannot kiss him. I cannot tell him over the phone. I feel utterly useless.

But, yesterday morning, I got a phone call from the area code 210. I was half asleep, and I knew it was Lackland before I realized it was Lackland. I jumped up and answered it quickly. There was a few second pause from when I said 'Hello?' to hear Joshua's voice. But it hurt to hear him. His voice was shaky, like he was near tears. He probably was. He got to call me due to stress, and was in the counselor's office.

I asked him several questions. "How are you?" "Do you have friends?" "What's a wingman?" "What would you be doing right now if you weren't at the counselor's office?" "Do you enjoy Chow?" We did have moments of pause, where I didn't know what to say. But by the end of the call, he sounded better. His voice wasn't shaky when we said goodbye -- mine was. It was the world's longest call, and it wasn't long enough. 36 minutes long. Which granted, Joshua and I aren't phone people, the longest call we had was an hour long about 3 1/2 years ago because he was stressed out about being away from home at DeVry, and his roommate kicked him out of their room to have sex.

During the call, I said "You must have been really stressed, this is a really long call." Because it was when compared to what I was expecting. I was expecting a five minute, brief call. But 36 whole minutes. I also asked he wanted to call his mom, but he didn't know the number off the top of his head. I was able to recite it to him (I just checked, I was right), but he said something. I don't remember, though.

I feel hopelessly useless. He does want more letters, and that I can do. So I'm going to write daily now. I want him to feel better. I want him to realize that even though he's not the fastest at running or push up/sit ups, he can do this. I told him to, even though it's obvious, to exercise at any free moment. That by week four, it will be easier. Next week will be medical stuff, like CPR. I think he'll enjoy it, since he's a caregiver. So does Sheri. Then week four is the obstacle course, and he'll hate it. But then preparing for BEAST week. He'll be over that hill, and be descending.