It Comes in Waves

Overall, I'm getting better. The first night was hell. Yesterday I was about to talk about Joshua without any emotions, until something appeared that reminded me of him -- like video games. Him and I are gamers, and I played 99% of my games with him. Needless to say, I did not boot any games (even ones I didn't play with him, since I wanted him to play with me), nor songs. But I'm typically okay, and then a wave of emotions washes over me. I get teary eyed for a minute or so, until I can compose myself, and it passes.

So because of this, I was kind of in a daze. I'm antisocial to begin with, but I was just really in the blank state of mind. So my mom drags me along to a BBQ my aunt and uncle were having. So I'm sitting out in their backyard, not talking, occassionaly watching my second cousins splash in the pool. Overall, being extremely 'rude' according to my mom. Well, I'm sorry you took me out to socialize during Zero Week (the first week our trainees leave for BMT).

Facebook is an amazing thing. Thanks to Sheri, I have found a very informative and friendly Facebook community, Air Force Wing Moms. It's obviously meant for mothers, but anyone can join, and they have a great website. And Joshua and Sheri talked about it. But God, this is my biggest pet peeve with Joshua, he doesn't repeat anything. So Sheri is talking about 'Tapping Out' and 'Coin Ceremony,' and I'm sitting here like "What is this?" But I didn't say it. I just nodded and listened. So I'm catching up on reading that. I also didn't know what plans were made for while we were in San Antonio. Which it's what Joshua wants (what was decided, I mean), but I think I should at least know where we are going to. Which I know now, but I had to ask about a week before he left; these plans were made last month. Biggest. Pet. Peeve.

Back on topic, Tapping Out (tapping out?) is an interesting thing to do at the Trainees' graduation. A loved one will come up to their Airman, who is at parade rest, and tap them on their shoulder or hug them. This is so the Airmen are released orderly. But looking at pictures, it looks very emotional, and I can see myself crying. Honestly, at this point, I am sick of crying. Right now, I just get teary eyed, but damn these waves of sadness. Anyway, the Coin Ceremony is the ceremony where Trainees are no longer Trainees, they are officially Airmen of the United States Air Force. Super cool.

Also! I have Joshua's address! It's amazing how the idea of writing to him just lifted the veil of sadness off of me. It's a mouthful, but I am so happy to write to him. With this address, we can find out what squadron mascot he has, and want his motto is. His mascot is the Eagle, and his motto is "Second to none." I think this is SO cool. The Eagle is just cool because Air Force = flying, and Eagles fly. So it makes the most sense (versus Gators or Knights).

His name on the address is "AB Taylor, Joshua A," which means "Airman Basic, Joshua A Taylor." But just seeing it written out 'Airman Basic Taylor' just gets me smiling. I am so proud of him, and seeing it just shows how big this is. I think it's sinking in how major these two months are really affecting him and me. In two months, he is an Airman for at least six years (really, it depends how I feel; if I feel like I can't handle another enlistment, I doubt he would re-enlist). I would be an Airman's wife.

Last April, we didn't even know how we would pay loans or even when we would get married. In May, we went to a Memorial Day service, and that's when Sheri threw the idea by me, how I would feel if Joshua joined the Air Force. Him and I had discussed it before [joining the military], and he always said he couldn't see himself have the guts to do it, but seriously respected those who did join.

I remember walking to a grave (since the service was at a cemetary), and telling him what Sheri and I talked about. He really considered it. At this point, we were only boyfriend and girlfriend, but it was almost three years, I would follow him wherever life took him. That afternoon, we pulled up the Air Force's website and looked into it. Job security for six years. Money, income. We could actually move on with our life, rather than being in this limbo.

Here we are, a little over a year later, and it's actually happening. We are engaged, he's gone, becoming an Airman. And here I am, blogging about it (lol). So thinking back, knowing he was scared to join, but did it... He's brave. Braver than I would ever be. And that makes me proud to be marrying him. He really is my hero. Joshua was my rock when I needed him to be. He knows how to make me laugh, he holds me when I cry, and takes my shoes to be ornery.

Now it's my turn to be strong for him.